Agony
by aswanandapirate
Summary: Hook will do anything to find Emma her son, but at what cost?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: This is based off a post I made on Tumblr on how I want to see an episode like this in Season 3. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Hook was moments away from heaving the contents of his stomach over the side of the ship. Baelfire (or was it Neal now?) had his grimy hands on Emma again, and she seemed to be enjoying it. Hook and Emma had found him traipsing around the forest a few days ago with the warrior and the princess who they had travelled with in the Enchanted Forest and a man Hook didn't recognize. To say it had been a tearful reunion would be an understatement. Snow was crying and Emma was crying and Baelfire was tearing up and all Hook felt was a twisting pain in his stomach.

Emma's first love and the father of her child (whom they were still searching for) was back. Over the past couple of months, Hook had grown closer to the Swan girl. They had stayed up late most nights sharing their pasts with each other, both had saved each other from close brushes with death, and there were even moments where Hook could have sworn that Emma had wanted him to kiss her. They had been teetering on the edge between friends and _more_ for months and now, with _Baelfire_ back, Hook felt like nothing more than a casual acquaintance. He tried to appear on the outside as if her change in behavior wasn't affecting him, but inside, he was in agony. Hook had twisting pains in his stomach constantly, he couldn't sleep at night, and his heart felt like it had been ripped out and thrown to the sharks out in the bay.

Meanwhile, their little crew still hadn't found Emma's little lad. He was taken to Neverland a little over two months ago, and Hook had heard Emma crying herself to sleep every night since. Hook had comforted her a few times with soothing words and a shoulder to cry on, but she didn't need him anymore. She had her man back. _God that hurts._ But no matter. Emma's romantic choices had nothing to do with the fact that Henry was still missing. The boy was lost and alone in an unfamiliar place and Hook knew from experience that being lost is the worst thing that can happen to a child. So he formulated a plan.

* * *

"Where are you off to?" Charming asked suspiciously as Hook made his way to the rowboat on the side of the ship, a small satchel at his side.

"I'm off for a day or two. I've got to take care of some things on the island. Alone."

"Why?" Emma rolled her eyes and continued in a sharp tone. "We are all capable of navigating the island by now. We can go with you."

"Not where I'm going, Swan." He thought of the sea witch at the bottom of the lagoon waiting for his arrival. Their little appointment was sure to be heart-wrenching. Literally. "Believe me, none of you want to come along."

Emma tried to object again, but Charming shook his head. "Let him go. I get the feeling that this is something Hook needs to take care of himself."

Hook turned to go down the gangplank but he stopped dead when he felt a hand wrap around his wrist. Emma came around his right side and locked eyes with him. Surprisingly, she looked worried.

"Just be careful, okay?" She let go of his hand and started to back away again. "We can't have you getting yourself into trouble just yet. Henry is still out there and we need you." Then, under her breath too low for Hook to hear, she whispered, "_I _need you."

Hook thought he had heard her whisper something about needing him, but pushed away the notion. _ Stop projecting you wanker. She doesn't need you anymore. She has her man back._ "Don't worry about me, lass. I can handle myself." Hook sent a wink her way as he dropped off the side of the boat, now out of view. "This isn't my first voyage."

* * *

Hook had forgotten how eerie _her_ lagoon was. Neverland's lone mountain loomed above and the shadows it cast made it seem like midnight in the lagoon even when it was midday. The jungle surrounding it was thick, the creatures lurking about were sinister, and the cliff faces leading down to the swirling whirlpool below were unforgiving. One wrong step and a man could find himself free falling into the sharp rocks below.

Luckily for Hook, he had been here before. He guided a particularly insistent mermaid to this wretched place quite a few years ago. Hook was a man with a certain moral code, even if he ignored it most days, so he made sure to warn the girl what this sea witch was capable of. She didn't listen, of course. The girl had fallen in love with one of Hook's crew and she longed to be human so that she could be with him, so there was really no reasoning with her. He assumed the witch had chewed her up and spit her out, though, seeing as his shipmate never left him. _Silly girl._

Although he supposed he was no different from that mermaid now. He was coming to the sea witch for help now and he was prepared to sacrifice anything she saw fit to get what he wanted. Hook couldn't get the girl and he felt he didn't deserve her anyway, so why not give up everything to save a lost boy. The cause seemed noble enough.

As Hook approached the cliff's edge and readied himself to jump into the churning water below, he thought of Emma, the one woman who saw right through him. She was intelligent and passionate and beautiful and she would make a hell of a pirate. He jumped from the cliff and reminded himself the entire way down why he decided to go through all of this for her son. _Because I love her._

* * *

"Hello again, Captain." A sultry voice echoed through the sea cave Hook found himself in. It was more of a lair, really, but the real monster was the one right in front of him.

"Ursula." He send a fake smirk her way. "How lovely to see you again."

She let out a shrieking laugh and patted him on the shoulder. "I know you didn't come all the way down here just to enjoy my company, Captain. Or should I say...Hook?" Ursula grabbed his hook and wrenched it from it's slot on Hook's arm. "What is it you want from me? Out with it."

"I need information on a boy that was taken captive by Pan and the Lost Boys." He gulped. "I've been searching for him for months but the trail is cold. I was hoping you could help me find him."

Ursula twirled the hook in her right hand and nodded her head. "Simple. Straightforward. I like that. Yes, yes I think I can do that. Seems easy enough."

Suddenly the witch was inches away from him with his hook digging into his neck. "I'm sure you remember, though, that I require something in return."

"Yes I remember. I'll give you anything. My life doesn't matter anymore."

She cackled again, suddenly very aware of Hook's situation. "Eager, aren't we? Does this has something to do with a certain blonde that you've been infatuated with?"

He sent her a scathing glare. "That is no concern of _yours_, witch. Can you help me or not?"

She sighed and turned to the cabinet behind her, then pulled out an empty jar. "Yes I can help you, but it comes at a great cost." Hook's gut clenched when he saw what was in the cabinet she had just opened. This was not what he signed up for. "What I want from you is...your heart."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out, you guys. I had some writer's block and believe it or not, this was originally going to be a two shot. Not anymore. I need to see this story through. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter!**_

* * *

The first thing he noticed after the searing pain of a scaly hand digging around his ribcage was that he felt free. His heart was no longer in his chest, but he couldn't even remember why he needed it in the first place. Hook no longer felt the wound that Milah's death left, he no longer felt the burning need inside him to kill the Crocodile (which had never completely gone away), and he no longer felt the ache in his chest with Emma Swan's name on it.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" The sea witch gave him a condescending smile. "You no longer feel the pain of heartbreak, which I'm guessing is what you wanted when you came here."

"I feel-" Hook stopped and rubbed the spot where his heart should have been beating in his chest, then smirked like the bloody pirate captain he used to be. "I feel nothing."

* * *

Two days had passed.

_Two._

_What the hell could he be doing alone on the island for two days?_ This man was going to be the death of her. He left with really no explanation of where he was going or why and the rest of the crew had just been ambling around the ship ever since. Without Hook, they had no chance of finding her son on the island, so no one on the ship had bothered to set foot on shore. Emma needed him to come back already so that they could start searching for Henry again. Nothing was more important than finding her son and Emma was honestly a little pissed off that Hook didn't see that. _He probably went to go let off some steam with the mermaids or something. Damn pirate._

She continued to curse him internally until she noticed a small boat on the horizon approaching from shore. Judging by mop of midnight black hair on the figure's head and the shitty rowing on the left side of the boat, Emma guessed it was Hook. "Speak of the devil..." Emma whispered to herself.

He rowed for a few more minutes until he reached the Jolly Roger and climbed the ladder leading up the side of the ship, whistling an unfamiliar tune all the way. Judging by his demeanor, Hook seemed to be unapologetic for leaving without bothering to explain himself. Emma stormed over to the gangplank with the intention to give him a peace of mind, but when his face came into view she stopped. The twinkle that normally appeared in Hook's eye when he addressed Emma had faded and he was walking with a swagger that Emma hadn't seen him use since they met in the Enchanted Forest. The pirate in front of her was not the man she knew. He was different somehow, wrong, and Emma intended to find out why.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with _you_?" She steeled herself for the worst.

Hook rolled his eyes and started to pull an object from his jacked pocket. "I'm afraid I don't follow."

"You just left for TWO DAYSwithout even bothering to-" He cut her off.

"I assure you, Swan, I've done nothing wrong here." The object he had pulled out of his pocket was not an object at all. It was a folded piece of parchment that looked like it could be a map, but Emma was too worked up to notice. "I haven't the foggiest idea why you're angry with me."

"Because! You left! You're our only guide in this godforsaken forest and you left us with no clues to where you were going or when you'd be back. We just sat around on the ship this whole time when we could have been looking for MY SON!"

"_What _is going on here?" Charming sputtered as he and and Neal approached the gangplank. "I heard yelling over here."

Simultaneously, they spoke. Emma spat out, "Hook doesn't understand priorities." and Hook held the parchment up to the woman who had previously been screaming at him. "I have a gift for you, Emma."

She rolled her eyes. "If it's another 'magic seashell' that subliminally tells me to sleep with you, no thanks. I'm not falling for that one again."

"You know, darling, you should try something new. It's called trust." Hook rolled his eyes again. There was really no reasoning with this woman, so he would just have to show her. "On my journey, I acquired a detailed map of the Lost Boys' hideout and where the shadow is keeping Henry. And," he paused and whipped out a small velvet bag from his other jacket pocket. "We have a stealthy way to get there."

He smiled cheekily as Emma, Charming, Neal, and Snow, who had just come over to see what was going on, gaped at him. "How's that for priorities, Swan?"

All of a sudden, Hook found himself in the middle of a bone crushing hug. After ten seconds or so of clinging onto the pirate as if her life depended on it, Emma whispered, "Thank you." and pulled away.

"Wait a minute..." Something didn't seem right, and the prince wanted to find out why. "How did you get this information so easily? We've been here for two months and haven't even caught a whiff of the Lost Boys hideout, but you go off by yourself for a couple of days and all of a sudden you have exactly what we need? How is that possible?"

Neal decided that moment was as good as any to put in his two cents. "Maybe Hook is still in the good graces of the shadow. Maybe he's working for the shadow now and he's just been playing you all this time." He glared at Hook with hatred from days long gone. "As soon as he gets what he wants, he'll leave you for dead. I've seen it before."

Emma scoffed. "Don't you mean, you've _done_ it before?" Even though Neal was the father of her child, Emma didn't trust the man as far as she could throw him. He had left her and betrayed her and Hook hadn't, so _too fucking bad_ if Neal decided he didn't want to trust him. "I trust Hook and he has a way to find our _son_, so if you aren't on board with his plan, get out of the fucking way."

She turned back to Hook. "I know you're not in league with the shadow, but I still need to know. How did you get all of this?"

He mumbled something incoherent. Emma inched closer. "I'm sorry, _what_ was that?" He mumbled again, slightly more audible this time but still unintelligible. She inched closer still. "Louder."

He sighed and stared at the deck then repeated himself again. "I made a deal with the sea witch. We had tried everything we could try to find Henry over the past couple of months with no luck and I have dealt with the witch in the past, so I figured, why not give it a try?"

"And?"

"I asked her if she could provide a way for us to rescue your son and she agreed. There was a price, but in the end, I got exactly what I wanted." Hook continued to stare at the deck, unable to meet anyone's eyes.

Snow looked crushed. "_Magic always has a price_." she whispered, the expression on her face shifting to one of recognition. She knew what Killian Jones had given up for Emma's son but she was too afraid to say it. "What did she take from you?"

Emma glanced at her mother and shivered. "Yeah, Hook. What did she take?"

Hook absentmindedly rubbed a spot on the left side of his chest before he answered. He could almost feel an ache again when Emma spoke to him, but... that was impossible. Nonetheless, he was hesitant to reveal what had happened in the witch's lair to the two women standing in front of him. They might react badly. _Oh well, _he thought before soldiering on. "The witch took my heart."

"No." Snow gasped and Emma found herself reliving one of the most painful moments of her life. Images of Graham clutching his heart and dying right in front of her flashed through her head and all she could think was, _Not again. Oh please not again. I can't lose the man I love again because his heart doesn't belong to him anymore._ She tried to to hold back the tears pooling in her eyes. "_No._"

"I fail to see how this is your business, Swan." Hook's nonchalant attitude about being newly heartless wasn't helping things. "The witch did me a favor, actually. Before, all I felt was pain and regret, but now I can be at peace. I feel nothing."

"That's not good enough." Emma's panic was quickly turning to anger once again. "You need your heart. Cora didn't have hers and look what happened to her - she couldn't even love her own daughter properly. Do you want to live like that? Do you want to live without the ability to love?"

"Yes." A look flashed in his eyes that Emma didn't quite recognize. "Love is pain, princess. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is selling something."

"I don't believe that." She grabbed his left wrist and inched closer to him again, this time so close that only he could hear her next words. "I'm not giving up on you, Killian," she whispered. "I'll search every inch of this godforsaken island if I have to to find that sea witch, then I'll explain what happened. But know this: I will do _anything_ to get your heart back, and that includes killing her and all of her little friends."

Emma backed away again and turned to her parents, a smile plastered on her face to hide the anger still flowing through her. "So, who's ready to find Henry?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm so sorry guys! I lost inspiration for this story for a few weeks, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to follow this thing to the end. This chapter is definitely fluffier than the first two, so enjoy! -XOXO Rachel**

* * *

As it turned out, Hook had quite a spectacular plan to get Henry back. It had something to do with crossing the jungle and an elaborate ambush and pixie dust, but to be honest, Emma wasn't really listening when he outlined it to the six of them.

Instead she thought of Henry. Emma couldn't imagine what the last couple of months had been like for him, but if the sounds of children wailing from the east side of the island that she heard nightly were indication, they hadn't been good. She couldn't help but wonder if he had been changed by his time in captivity. Her mind buzzed with unanswered questions. What had Greg and Tamara done with him? Why did the shadow want her son? When would she finally see Henry again? And perhaps, the question gnawing at her the most, would Henry blame her for what happened? If she had just paid more attention to where he was in the mine shaft, maybe they wouldn't be in this mess. She was his _mother_. It was her job to keep him safe, and she had failed.

Before today, all Emma had to lean on was her parents and the inkling in her heart that a certain pirate was looking out for her as the six of them navigated through this mess together. They had lived day to day with the hope that a clue would emerge or that the terrible twosome would slip up somehow, but now, Emma was tired of passively waiting for luck to find them. If there was one thing she learned in her twenty eight years alone, it was that there are no fairy godmothers hanging around to save you (seems ironic now, but the metaphor stands). The best solutions are those you create yourself, or in this case, those created by a pirate with nothing to lose. The plan would work. She knew it in her gut. In a few days time, her baby boy would be out of harm's way and in her arms again. This entire plan was going to work, and all thanks to the man who, because he was so hellbent on saving her son, no longer possessed a heart. _Damn._

_She needed a drink._

* * *

Emma felt stupid.

"Come on, lass! What's keeping you?" Hook hollered down at her as he hovered over the helm of the ship. She and Hook, the two chosen to carry out the stage of the plan involving pixie dust, were supposed to be practicing flying maneuvers so that they could outwit the Lost Ones when the time came. Unfortunately, the blasted dust wasn't working. Well, it wasn't working for her, she should say. Hook was happily somersaulting through the air with the greatest of ease and gleefully taunting her. _Bastard._

It wasn't her fault that she hadn't done this before. The pixie dust sparkled in her hair from where Hook had sprinkled it over her, but she didn't have a clue as to how to move forward from here. All Emma remembered from the story she had heard as a child was something about pixie dust and faith and trust, but she couldn't remember for the life of her how to actually use the stuff to fly.

"A little help would be nice." she glared up at the pirate, who honestly looked more like a little boy at the moment, and motioned him down to her. "How the hell is this supposed to help me fly?"

"Don't you know?" A genuine smile graced Hook's face as he slowly lowered himself down to her level at the deck of the ship. "All you need is faith, and trust, and a little bit of pixie dust."

"I'm not following."

"Gods, Emma, it's not that difficult, but I can see you're a _special,_" he stopped briefly to snicker to himself, "case so I'll give you step-by-step instructions. Savvy?"

She crossed her arms and continued to glare. "Stop being so annoying and just tell me how to fly!"

"Think of something happy. It can be anything-a hope or dream you have for yourself, a family memory, or even something a little bit...scandalous." Hook caught her eyes and licked his lips, and Emma tried to ignore the sudden clench in her stomach. _Not now, Swan. Focus._

"So, just focus on that one thought-whichever one _tickles your fancy_," Emma gulped. The innuendo hung in the air, not lost on her. "Focus _hard, _then let your happy thought do the work. Soon as you know it, you'll be drifting up, up, up, and into the air."

He winked and rose a little higher. "Come on, Swan. It's easy!"

"Yeah, for you maybe." She grumbled to herself quietly. "You don't have a care in the world right now." Still though, it was worth a try.

Emma squeezed her eyes shut and searched her mind for a thought, a memory, anything that would help her achieve her task. She looked into her past and all that resided there was loneliness and pain, so Emma latched onto a dream she had a few nights ago on the Jolly instead.

Mary Margaret's apartment appeared in her mind's eye.

_She and her mother were cooking chicken marsala and asparagus for their family dinner together. Henry was sitting on a stool at the bar, mixing cookie dough for later and, surprisingly enough, Regina was sitting in the stool next to him adding the chocolate chips. Neal and Gold were in the living room watching college football, and Emma's father had just gotten home from his shift at the sheriff's station._

_Charming kicked off his boots and sidled up to her mother, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. _

_"How was your day, honey?" Snow sent Charming a brilliant smile and lifted up a wooden spoon full of marsala sauce up to his lips. "Here, taste."_

_"It was uneventful. Jones and I had to bring in a couple of kids for public indecency and we broke up a fight at The Rabbit Hole, but that's about it." Charming winked at Emma. "One of the perps has a nasty right hook. Gave that pirate of yours a black eye." _

_Just as Emma was about to ask about what Charming meant, the aforementioned pirate ran into the apartment, out of breath, a bruise blossoming on his face and a young boy in tow. "Sorry I'm late. The little lad insisted on stopping by Granny's for some hot chocolate with cinnamon on our way home." He looked up and quirked an eyebrow, sending a pointed look at the Charming family standing in the kitchen. "I blame genetics."_

_The boy wiggled and squirmed until Killian let him down and hobbled toward Emma at full speed. "Mommy, mommy, guess what we did at school today?"_ _His sea blue eyes shone up at her. "We made _**_birdhouses_**_!"_

_"That's wonderful, Davey!" Emma shared a look with Killian before turning back to her son."Go wash your hands, okay? It's almost time for dinner."_

_Davey ran off and Killian strode into the kitchen, stopping briefly to ruffle Henry's hair, then turned to Emma. "Hello, love." He pulled her into a kiss and she laughed after a second, finding Henry's gagging sounds in the background hilarious._

_ Emma had everything she ever wanted. Her family, as strange as it was, was all together. _

_She was home._

All of a sudden, Emma noticed she didn't feel the deck beneath her feet anymore. She opened her eyes and panicked for a second, seeing the crow's nest at eye level and the deck a few too many feet below, but the panic didn't last long.

"Emma!" Hook flew in a circle around her and held out his hand. "You did it lass! I knew you could!"

She laughed, a truly content sound Emma hadn't heard from herself in quite a while, and did a pirouette in the air, still trying to get used to the strange feeling of weightlessness. "I did it!" The sudden breathlessness she felt may have been more because of the man next to her than the wind in her face, but Emma pushed that aside for a second. She pushed everything aside for the moment, then took the hand that Hook was still holding out to her.

And they flew.

* * *

**Well there it is. What did you guys think?**


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